Sometimes you find yourself stuck in anger, outrage, hatred, judgment, etc. towards someone, or towards yourself. This can be pure suffering. These practices can provide a gradual healing, as forgiveness towards ourself and others takes root in our emotions and thoughts. Remember, forgiving someone or ourselves does not mean we are condoning or justifying an action that was harmful, it means we are no longer wishing harm on or trying to punish someone, or ourself.

This practice involves both the mind and body. We say the phrases silently in the mind, while visualizing the relevant people and situations, and also while feeling the related emotions in the body, and perhaps naming them. You can adjust the phrases, make them more specific, more relevant, however you want. Incorporate this in your daily practice for at least a week. If a situation feels too intense, back off, or make it more general. Remember, forgiveness is a gradual process that requires time, and practice it with that understanding.

There are three relational directions in which we can practice forgiveness: you can make each specific to a situation if you want, or keep it general.

1. It is essential that we forgive ourselves for our own imperfections and mistakes; for the harm we have done to ourselves, and to others. What have you been holding on to that you don’t forgive yourself for? Bring it up, remember it, imagine it, feel it, and work at forgiving yourself. You do not need or deserve your own condemnation no matter what you have done.

Repeat the following phrases or similar phrases that are specific to a situation you need to forgive yourself for. Allow time to visualize the people and actions involved, and identify and feel the related emotions.

“I forgive myself for the harm I have done, intentional or unintentional, to myself and others. And if I cannot fully forgive myself now, may I be able to in the future.”

2. We need to forgive others for the harm they have done to us, or we remain stuck in the past, in pain and resentment. This practice is for us, it does not require mending a relationship. What wounds have you been holding on to; bring them up and remember who did what to you, and work at forgiving them.

Think of a harm done to you by someone, imagine them here now, and forgive them to the extent you can. Repeat the following phrases or similar phrases that are specific to the situation or behavior you need to forgive them for. Allow time to visualize the people and actions involved, and identify and feel the related emotions.

“I forgive you for the harm you have done, intentional or unintentional, to me. And if I cannot fully forgive you now, may I be able to in the future.”

3. We ask for forgiveness from others for the harm we have done to them. They may not ever forgive us in real life, but we need to ask for forgiveness as a practice to free ourselves emotionally and psychologically, and to make it less likely we would do similar actions in the future. Think of harm you have done to others, imagine them here now, and ask them to forgive you.

Repeat the following phrases or similar phrases that are specific to a situation you need to be forgiven for. Allow time to visualize the people and actions involved, and identify and feel the related emotions.

“Please forgive me for the harm I have done, intentional or unintentional, to you. And if you cannot fully forgive me now, may you be able to in the future.”

Continue with this practice until it is possible to feel and send lovingkindness and well wishing (Metta) to yourself, to those you have harmed, and to those that have harmed you, and you feel freed of the burdens of blame, judgment, guilt, and anger.